For the past couple of weeks I have been praying, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23 My heart has been searched, my Father knows my anxious thoughts and I am being tested.
Today, I received a message from Joshua’s biological father, whose parental rights have been terminated, informing me he needs our address because he is filing for full custody of Joshua. I am really not concerned about this ever happening because I know this person and the truth is not in him. He is very unstable and lives in an environment of constant drama that rarely but occasionally overflows into our world. Today is Joshua’s third birthday and I suppose this person thought he would get a kick out of trying to cause drama and disrupt the peace within our family today by making such threats.
I immediately recognized this threat as an attack of the enemy; an attempt to steal my joy on a day of joyous celebration and I cried out, “Away from me Satan! This is so idiotic, I laugh at you Satan!” Then I turned to my Father and said, “God help me! His ignorance infuriates me to the core!” Then my Father asked me, “Did you not ask me to search your heart? Did I not command you to love one another?”
Don’t you just love it when something happens and the Lord reminds you of what you’ve been praying for and you realize He is answering your prayer, stretching you, teaching you, strengthening you, and helping you to grow in Him? I hung my head down and said, “Yes Father. I don’t hate him but do I really have to LOVE him?” The Father said, “Yes.”
The amazing thing to me is the fact I have written a book on finding forgiveness and healing along the journey of pursuing my purpose in life. I have forgiven this person for all the lies, the stress, the drama, and the chaos he has put my family through; I do not hate him (quite honestly, as long as I don’t have to deal with him and his drama), but do I love him? Certainly not! I realize my Father is answering my prayer, working in me, and leading me into another journey of learning how He wants me to love. I will follow Him and trust Him to ease the discomfort of some forthcoming MAJOR growing pains. I do however, look forward to learning and growing. I look forward to learning to love like Him!
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48