Desperate for Approval

As the release of the book draws nearer, all the reasons/excuses for not writing it sooner become even clearer to me.  Knowing the editor is reading the manuscript through a magnifying glass in order to critique it has ignited an overwhelming chain of emotions inside of me that I cannot find the words to describe.  Prior to the manuscript being assigned to an editor, I received an email from the publisher informing me my editor “would be my biggest critic and greatest ally”.  Somehow I did not find those words very
comforting.

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of having dinner and a visit with a dear friend I have not seen in a few years.  During our conversation we began to discuss the book and she said, “You know you haven’t said that much about your book lately; it’s almost as though you’re not excited about it.” I shared with her that I am very excited about it but am trying to keep my expectations in check and that I am really nervous about how the book will be received.

Today I realized that I have become desperate for someone other than biased friends
and family to tell me the book is good and they completely comprehend the message shared in it.  I have become desperate for someone’s seal of approval on it. As soon as I came to that realization I also realized that the only seal of approval required is that of
the Father.

Then He shared this with me: “You are afraid of rejection, judgment and condemnation.  Was I not rejected, judged and condemned? Do not be afraid.  Do not be distracted. Trust Me for your peace is in Me.”  Suddenly I could feel all of the emotions associated with fear being lifted and replaced with an enormous sense of peace.

For far too long I submitted to all of the emotions related to fear and failed to submit to the will of the Father.  I realized that through the experiences of my life I had become a walking compilation of insecurities.  Writing the book allowed the Father the opportunity to provide healing for me.  Today I realized that much needed healing is not complete but is instead a journey in itself of walking in faith and trusting the Lord.

Revisiting some of the experiences of my life in order to share them, understand them and
make sense of them literally induced a feeling of sickness inside of me that made it very difficult to write about them.  I realized those feelings were always there hidden away out of sight and out of mind but none the less they were still there.  In order to begin the healing process I had to revisit them in order to become aware of the fact they were still there and of how they were affecting me each day.

I have realized that the insecurities of some of my experiences have been an open door allowing the enemy access to try to  manipulate and deceive me.  I have spent a lifetime trying to obtain a seal of approval from everyone but the One who truly matters.  It also occurred to me that my editor may be my biggest critic but my greatest ally is truly my Father in heaven.  His seal of  approval will be the reward of hearing Him say, “Well done my faithful servant”.   That will only come from trusting in Him completely and faithfully obeying Him.  Whose seal of approval are you seeking?

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About Alecia Roberts

First and foremost, I am a Christian. I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. I wrote The Pursuit of Purpose: A Journey to Forgiveness and Healing while my husband was working overseas as a civilian contractor. The Pursuit of Purpose: A Journey to Forgiveness and Healing is my testimony of God's amazing love, grace and power in a surrendered life and heart. It was released on May 29, 2012. I lost my middle daughter, Heather who suffered from mental illness and addiction to an overdose in October of 2015. Since then I've dedicated my life to confronting addiction and promoting changes in North Carolina that will hopefully save lives.
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One Response to Desperate for Approval

  1. Sunny Rowe says:

    you are, after all, the apple of His eye… and you are amazing.

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